Hometown Tales Podcast

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Cheese 'n Christ

A few weeks ago we all gazed upon the miraculous grilled cheese sandwich displaying the face of the Madonna (the Virgin Mary … Jesus Christ’s mom). Not the ageing MTV icon, but the other Madonna.

From the sublime to the ridiculous; grilled cheese to the shroud of Turin, JC and his mom have been seen across the world in many a not-so-holy food item:

• Grilled Cheese Sandwich (partially eaten) sold for $28K.
• Pizza
• Corn Chip (showed Elvis)
• Tortilla
• Burnt Fish Stick
• Cinnamon roll (Bongo Java Coffee, Nashville: showed Mother Theresa)

But the heavenly duo have also been found hanging around other non-edible items:

• Clouds
• Rusted Pipes
• Pizza Hut Sign
• Freezer door
• New Jersey (you had to know I’d bring it back to Jersey somehow)

On January 16th, 1916, hundreds of believers held vigil before the front door of St Anne's Roman Catholic Church in Keansburg, New Jersey. The representation of a woman trailing white robes emanated from the old oak surface.

The Roman Catholic Church has specific guidelines for recognizing miracles and sacred apparitions. Somewhere deep in the vaults of the secret archives of the Vatican lies a centuries old tome that deals specifically with these visions:
(Translated from Latin text)
"If an innocent, devote catholic encounters an apparition of the Virgin Mary in a holy place the such as Guadalupe, Lourdes or Fatima, and if such follower is contrite and humbled by the presence, there’s a decent chance that it’s a miracle.
If some clown wearing an oversized 'Ft. Lauderdale' t-shirt sees the Virgin in her individually-sliced cheese & wonder bread sandwich, while spending her alimony check on goldenpalace.com, it’s doubtful that our lord and savior has anything to do with it. Don’t bother."

If you're prone to believe everything you hear, then Jesus has made his triumphant return several times; carried down from on high in various tasteless, starchy foods. He’s easier to find than Waldo.

(I'll type and quickly hit send, in full knowledge of my immediate departure to hell for that blasphemy).